Good evening and welcome to my interview with an unsung hero, or should I say, villain from the ZX Spectrum scene. Speccy owners on a pocket money budget may have come across him, but for most, he remains an obscurity, barely seen as he languished on the underrated Curse Of Sherwood from Mastertronic.
He is of course, Skeleton #2, and it's great to have him here.
Skeleton #2: My pleasure
Tell me, how exactly did you get the gig on Curse Of Sherwood?
Skeleton #2: Oh well, 'Curse...' wasn't exactly my ambition in life, no. *chuckles* I had set my sights on being one of the many ghost generators in Gauntlet. Typical me, I wanted to be the first one on level one, so I'd be seen by as many players as possible, but no, I was told I'd be relegated to Level 72 or something like that, so I pretty much stormed out of the interview! *splutters* Oh, the folly of youth!
Wow, I never realised you could have occupied that cult coin-op classic. How did you prepare for your audition?
Skeleton #2: Well, it was all about crouching down, staying still and letting all the ghost extras fly out of you. I'm told I did a successful screen test, but I wasn't about to accept that Level 72 position, no sirree.
Do you have any regrets?
Skeleton #2: Indeed, I should have taken it up. I had, after all, spent considerable time understudying the role by examining the coin-op original. I had good looks in those days too. And it caused merry hell between me and my agent, I can tell you!
So do you feel any bitterness about being Skeleton #2 in Curse of Sherwood?
Skeleton #2: Not really, it was a job I had to take up. I had spent most of 1986 without any work, so when Mastertronic knocked on my door, I was literally eating hand-to-mouth by that point, trying to dodge the rent collector!
I guess you looked like a bag of bones!
Skeleton #2: Sorry?
I said, I guess you looked like a bag of bones!
Skeleton #2: Look, I know you're trying to be amusing, but that's the kind skeletonist attitude that us undead are trying to combat. It's just typic...
Oh, it wasn't my intention to offend!
Skeleton #2: I know that, but if you were to actually see it from the skeleton's perspective, you'd have a greater respect for what we do.
I'm terribly sorry, I didn't realise...
Skeleton #2: Well, that's understandable, we've faced a rather hostile reaction from the way we're depicted in the media. I blame Ray Harryhausen myself. It's been downhill from there.
Well, we are stretched for time, so I was wondering...
Skeleton #2: Um yes, but I do wish to thank you for letting us get this out in the open. If just one person tonight stops taking the mick out of skeletons, skulls or bones in general, then it will have been worthwhile.
So, yeah, getting back to Sherwood.
Skeleton #2: Ah yes! A budget epic in my opinion, if that's not a contradiction in terms!
Yeah, one of the underrated classics, in fact, the first game I bought for my ZX Spectrum.
Skeleton #2: Crash, YS and SU didn't think much of it, which is a shame really, especially as the director, Derek Brewster, came from the Crash stable.
Well, what do they know? I can praise stuff like Feud and 180, I'd have a couple of quid every Saturday and didn't have the willpower to save for a big boxed game from Ocean or US Gold.
Skeleton #2: Yes, I guess although my career has been a bit 'second division', I quite enjoyed 'Curse...'. I got to eat with Agent X in the Mastertronic canteen now and then. Great guy, terrible flatulence.
So, there you were, on the set of Sherwood...
Skeleton #2: Yes, scenery pixels sent in from Lincolnshire, not Nottingham, who were demanding too much. I don't think the viewers noticed
You're on the fifth screen from the start, if we head east, and of course, there you are with Skeleton #1.
Skeleton #2: That prima donna.
Oh?
Skeleton #2: Yes, pranced about the place, under the delusion that the Ice Queen fancied him. Of course, it never happened for him.
I didn't know there was tension, it doesn't show that in the game.
Skeleton #2: Well, we're all professionals really. You have to get on for the sake of the business. After all, it's well known that Head didn't speak to Heels for over a decade, but they keep it together when the punter loads his cassette tape.
So what were the high points?
Skeleton #2: Um, when you're wandering about a few yards back and forth, it's quite humdrum, but I tell you what, it's just so much fun to be in a combat role. We got to throw out knives - infinite knives - all about the place. That's more jolly than crouching down and having ghosts spew out of you! It may not have been the best paying job but it kept me afloat!
Did you get to fraternize much with your other skeletal colleagues on the next screen?
Skeleton #2: I didn't see much of them, but from where I stood, I could always see those pretty birds in the screen below. We were stuck to our screens really, that was the direction laid down for us. You can imagine the chaos if we just gallivanted about the forest, from screen to screen. No, we didn't stray far from our spot. I guess we had a few words with each other on the quiet while the player would be on the menu screen. I get the impression those two skeletons emulated us really, if that doesn't sound too egotistical.
What were the low points?
Skeleton #2: Well, the player coming along, armed with clubs. That's when we knew we were done for. One of those hits you, and bang, you throw out the stars and disappear! Naturally we loved it when the player was naive enough to walk about with the default weapon, the knife. Those things would barely scratch us.
Any games you wish you could have been in?
Skeleton #2: I was hoping to hear back from Palace Software, to see if they could squeeze in a role for me in Cauldron, but the phone just stayed silent.
What about Boni in Trap Door?
Skeleton #2: Pffft, that'd mean having to discard my torso and limbs. I've got nothing against skulls per se, but it's not really for me, I'm a full intact skeleton and proud of it. I'm afraid that role was a bit 'gauche', turning us into a figure of fun rather than recognising us for the vital role we have in keeping you lot as upright and fairly solid beings. Without us, you'd be a pile of flesh, organs and blood.
Right... Um... Do you have anything to say to retro gamers?
Skeleton #2: Well, thank you for all your support. I know it's been controversial that I charge for autographs at conventions, but a skeleton has to keep himself afloat.
Thanks very much for joining us.
Skeleton #2: Well, it's been a joy. I hope I've shone a light on my vital yet humble role in one of the lesser-known British classics.
You're very much welcome.
