Forum posts: grammar and punctuation

[ZXDunny]

As Ast A. Moore says, Grammar and punctuation are only there to aid in accuracy of communication. Unless you're trying to get a legal or scientific point across, it doesn't really matter very much. Fortunately for those fields that do require precise communication, their language structure and meaning has been set in stone.

Colloquial language is evolving all the time, as are the rules that govern it. What was acceptable two hundred years ago looks awful now, and vice-versa, were that actually possible.

So who really cares? If someone takes the time to kindly correct your grammar, or your punctuation or spelling, then kindly thank them and move on, safe in the knowledge that they're probably a friendless anal twat with some god-awful hangups that you don't really want to communicate with anyway.

[Seven.FFF]

I’ve always found you to be a very good communicator, Dave. And I never remember wincing at your grammar, even once!

[lister_of_smeg]

Just remember to capitalize your proper nouns, unless you really did help your uncle jack off a horse.

[Ralf]

I also suck at punctuation. Somebody once even told me that I'm doing it randomly It was many years ago and now I'm better but still no good.

And here I'm talking about my native Polish. Each language has its own rules a bit different from the others. As for English I have actually never seen the rules, doing everything by intuition.

One thing that is really important - always put a space after a dot. People will forgive you many things but not this one.

[Guesser]

I also suck at punctuation. Somebody once even told me that I'm doing it randomly It was many years ago and now I'm better but still no good.

Victor’s writing was a sort of code to deceive the enemy, with punctuation marks in unlikely places to confuse anyone who came too close to cracking the code. He watched Andrew counting the full stops in one sentence and said, ‘I put those in while I think about the next word. I like doing question marks better.’ He pointed out two or three specimens, independent question marks, without questions, They looked like curled feathers out of a pillow. One had a face.
‘Do you put a question mark in every sentence?’ asked Andrew.
‘Oh, yes. I know you don’t actually need them,’ said Victor, ‘but they're nice to do.’

[Ast A. Moore]

Victor’s writing was a sort of code to deceive the enemy . . .

Neat. What’s that from?

[Guesser]

Neat. What’s that from?

5 internet points to the first person who recognises it

[Ast A. Moore]

Neat. What’s that from?

5 internet points to the first person who recognises it

Intriguing. Throw in two sheep and an ox, and I might consider taking a crack at it.

[R-Tape]

Just remember to capitalize your proper nouns, unless you really did help your uncle jack off a horse.

Heh, nah, Uncle Jack always fulfilled his pedagogical duties, at least he did when he wasn't wanking off Mr Triggermane.

[MatGubbins]

Do I use the ` (left of 1) or ' (between L and Return) as an apostrophe? I find ' (L and Return) easier to press.

Yes, the (typewriter) apostrophe key is there to be easy to use. There’s basically no reason to ever use the grave accent key unless you’re writing shell scripts or some forrin language

If you were feeling particularly clever (or typesetting a book) you’d use proper unicode apostrophes rather than typewriter apostrophes like I’ve done throughout this post just to show off

Yeah, it does look great.

"Weird Al" Yankovic....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Gv0H-vPoDc

[Joefish]

It's not so much punctuation as completely wrong words that get on my nerves - people writing "I should of done that" instead of "I should have done that". It's the result of a chain of people only half-listening and repeating others without ever paying attention to reading or writing in English. And then there's the ones who think "specifically" has a silent 's'!

Anyway, good punctuation is the difference between knowing your sh*t and knowing you're sh*t.

[stupidget]

'I was like basically going to just say that'!!!! People who use 'like' and 'basically' as filler words are just morons. People who also use 'literally' to pad out sentences are vapid cretins.

[Spud]

;

"The semicolon or semi colon is a punctuation mark that separates major sentence elements. A semicolon can be used between two closely related independent clauses, provided they are not already joined by a coordinating conjunction"

I beg your pardon?

[1024MAK]

;

"The semicolon or semi colon is a punctuation mark that separates major sentence elements. A semicolon can be used between two closely related independent clauses, provided they are not already joined by a coordinating conjunction"

I beg your pardon?

I’d use a butt-spice myself...

[MatGubbins]

"The semicolon or semi colon is a punctuation mark that separates major sentence elements. A semicolon can be used between two closely related independent clauses, provided they are not already joined by a coordinating conjunction"

I beg your pardon?

I’d use a butt-spice myself...

Baby, Sporty, Posh, Scary and Ginger... I don't recall a butt-spice.

[R-Tape]

"The semicolon or semi colon is a punctuation mark that separates major sentence elements. A semicolon can be used between two closely related independent clauses, provided they are not already joined by a coordinating conjunction"

Argh! Sentences like that make my head fall apart! As I say, I'm sure we never did this at school. Bristol University has a good guide, although it does contain sentences redolent of the above.

When not used in a complicated list*, it seems that the semicolon is basically a weak full stop masquerading as a strong comma. I keep seeing opportunities to use it, but it's usually an option, and you risk looking like a smartarse if you so choose to take it—it's a nightmare!

Baby, Sporty, Posh, Scary and Ginger... I don't recall a butt-spice.

*Baby Spice: cutesy, pigtailed and blatantly a Tasmanian devil between the sheets; Sporty Spice: tracksuits, twokking and elecution; Posh Spice: budgie breeder, businesswoman and footballer's wife; Scary Spice: terrifying 'Bo Selecta' deathmask, giant hair and creator of Kat Trap; Ginger Spice: intergalactic peace envoy, yogic flyer and former Club International model.

Butt-spice is professional cyclists' slang for a caffeine suppository.

The above may be peppered with mendacity, but it's helping me learn to use the semicolon.

[beanz]

My god...

[Joefish]

"coordinating conjunction" means and/or/but/so etc. So if you have an 'and' then there's no place for a semicolon. e.g.

"You're on a donkey and I'm on a horse".
or:
"You're on a donkey; I'm on a horse".

The sentence has two clauses, firstly that you're on a donkey and secondly that I'm on a horse. The two are closely related so are worth mentioning in the same sentence, but they're independent; one fact doesn't rely on the other. I could be on a horse regardless of what you're doing.
Now I could join them with a simple conjunction ("and") but f*ck it, I'm using a semi-colon.