The Man Who Ruined Crash

[StanVanman]

Is still trying to. Are these the worst playing tips in human history?

[XTM]

Maybe they had half an empty page and just had to fill it somehow

Poor Nick, I'm wondering if he ever joined any Speccy forum, perhaps undercover with a different nick (oo-er), because he'd probably not want to attract any flak if people knew it was him.

Perhaps you'll like my Playing Tips a bit better

[SteveSmith]

I wouldn't be surprised if it was a press release written by Ocean and disguised as playing tips. Free advertising for Ocean and filler for Crash.

[Van_Dammesque]

I'm more bothered about the type in for "The Great Escape", all that typing and it doesn't tell you what they do!?

[bluespikey]

Well they do seem self-aware, as if knowingly parodying his younger self! Which just underlines what a shame it was that his younger self was given so much say over Crash! Still baffles me how he managed it, even getting his face onto a front cover!

Having said that, whatever that poke does to The Great Escape, I have faith that will actually work! Not at all like what Robin Candy used to publish!

Crucial!

[XTM]

I wouldn't be surprised if it was a press release written by Ocean and disguised as playing tips. Free advertising for Ocean and filler for Crash.

This isn't from back in the day though, it's "current".

By the way, the new listing for The Great Escape has a typo that's not in the original (see here), 2nd line REC instead of REM - I wonder if there are more so it won't even work?

[SteveSmith]

This isn't from back in the day though, it's "current".

Ah, thanks. I was going by the rem statement that said Crash 37, I missed the Crash Micro bit at the bottom.

That does beg the question why are they printing pokes in this day and age? Is anyone going to type that out?

[PeteProdge]

Is still trying to. Are these the worst playing tips in human history?

Hold on, where's Nick Roberts' name in all of this? His name isn't mentioned in that screenshot and he certainly wasn't the only person doing Playing Tips for Crash (Hannah Smith, Robin Candy, etc).

I don't know who is writing for the new 21st century version of Crash, but that doesn't seem to be Nick Roberts, unless I'm mistaken.

[StanVanman]

Possible clue:

[PeteProdge]

Ah, right you are then. I wouldn't have known this, I've not bought any of the new 'reboot' Crash issues, I did get that one-off Your Sinclair reboot given away with Retro Gamer magazine over a decade back.

Crash wasn't really it for me. It had its moments, but YS was way way out in front. Crash still had great writing (aside from Nick Roberts) and their covertape could be worth it some times.

[Mpk]

their covertape could be worth it some times.

Let's not start that again.

[spider]

I'm more bothered about the type in for "The Great Escape", all that typing and it doesn't tell you what they do!?

Removes Guards/Dogs/Other Prisoners. I suppose that means anything else moving really.

I've not checked if it works of it the "original" below fully matches it or not. Without bothing to look at it, the size of it indicates its for the original Speedlocked version, otherwise the listing would of been a fair bit smaller.

Spoiler

That does beg the question why are they printing pokes in this day and age? Is anyone going to type that out?

I might just for the entertainment value, to have it do an "error on data" checksum thing even though its correct.

EDIT... Missed the post with the actual "original" listing in as posted by @XTM sorry.

[SteveSmith]

Perhaps you'll like my Playing Tips a bit better

I've only just clicked on this, it's great. Is there any more? Was it a one-off?

[Lee Bee]

If anyone's interested, I've got some tips for Chase HQ:
• Try to go really fast to beat the timer
• The more you hold down the accelerate button, the faster you go
• Corners can be tricky so it's important to time your steering just right
• Try to avoid a Crash

[XTM]

I've only just clicked on this, it's great. Is there any more? Was it a one-off?

I originally posted it here in 2020. Check the thread, there's a link to all pages on imgur in the first paragraph. I kinda wanna do a follow-up at some point, but it's hard to come up with ideas.
I wish these "modern" Crash magazines also did it a bit like I did, making the pages look "old".

[equinox]

Is still trying to. Are these the worst playing tips in human history?

I was so excited to determine a "hack" for the awful Colin the Cleaner game that came with some grey +2s. (I was about 10 years old. And yes, we know this game was one of those Harry Price rip-offs from a magazine type-in -- but for this discussion it doesn't matter.)
INEXPLICABLY they didn't publish my eleet hackings.

Although it's funny because when you think about those "pokemania" things on the mag tapes -- you had to have the game -- uhhmm -- I bet like 60% of readers had that stupid Colin bundle game. Whereas there might be a poke loader for something like ESWAT that about 1% had got.

Do you think there was ever a conspiracy between the major game makers (A++++ OCEAN) and the pokers. We'll tell you the address and you... snuggle up with Hannah and try to turn a 70 into an 80.

P.S. I have decided to stop reading "video game books" because they are always horrible. I bought that Gremlin 2-book set, and the "Go Dizzy" Oliver Twins one, and (ignoring the Speccy) the "Masters of Doom" because I'm quite into Doom. And in every bloody case you read about greed and stupidity and people fighting, and it's so sad. It was better in our heads.

[SteveSmith]

P.S. I have decided to stop reading "video game books" because they are always horrible. I bought that Gremlin 2-book set, and the "Go Dizzy" Oliver Twins one, and (ignoring the Speccy) the "Masters of Doom" because I'm quite into Doom. And in every bloody case you read about greed and stupidity and people fighting, and it's so sad. It was better in our heads.

I know what you mean. That R-Type book by Bob Pape is great, but it's depressing how some programmers were treated back in the day. And regarding the Olivers, I'd be surprised if they were on speaking terms with the Darlings based on their book.

The kind of retro books I like are the ones that just talk about the games. I really enjoy Shawn McClures books, and the latest by Wizwords.

[equinox]

depressing how some programmers were treated back in the day

Yes thank god everybody is fairly treated now, and Rockstar doesn't grope the ladies
oh...
SWAT TEAM EN ROUTE

[Einar Saukas]

I originally posted it here in 2020. Check the thread, there's a link to all pages on imgur in the first paragraph.

Or check the "MAGAZINES" section of SpectrumComputing! Direct link:

https://spectrumcomputing.co.uk/magazine/327/Crap

I suspect most people ignore this part of the site

[equinox]

I suspect most people ignore this part of the site

I reported the bug a few days ago when all mag content was missing.
THANKS FOR FIXING IT! Some of us do read.
love

[equinox]

If anyone's interested, I've got some tips for Chase HQ:
• Try to go really fast to beat the timer
• The more you hold down the accelerate button, the faster you go
• Corners can be tricky so it's important to time your steering just right
• Try to avoid a Crash

Some readers have been in touch telling us that "Knot in 3D" is rather difficult!
Well, we've contacted Matthew somebody and he has two tips for us! exclusive to YOUR S.C.

1. why don't you cry about it. if you want an easy game, then play Arcadia!
2. it's actually Snake in 3D so you can map it on a series of sheets of squared paper, if you absolutely insist.

Matthew added "we realised we could actually do anything, such as 4D Snake, but at that point we got bored and decided to write games for the SNES." (and realised that Euclidean space is just the beginning) -- He was then comically dragged off stage by a shepherd's hook.
In these days 2023 his job is writing macho dialogue for shooty-tooty games. He will be replaced tomorrow by an AI that has grown up reading only Lee Child and Robert Ludlum novels, which we must never allow to control weapons.