Ubi Soft
£9.99 cass/£14.99 disk
Reviewer: Jonathan Davies

Okay - I'll come clean. We've actually done this one before. Sort of. Well, actually it was called Skateball then, and it was ever-so-slightly different (but not much. In fact, not at all). The thing is, you see, that it's French. And as we all know, the French have a bit of a 'reputation'. Unfortunately, however, Skateball didn't quite live up to this 'reputation'. Quite simply, it wasn't weird enough. But what could be weirder than renaming it Skatewars (which 'sounds a bit nicer, apparently) and re-releasing it '18 months later? As I thought - nothing.

And that's what they've done. 'Skating on thin ice' or what, eh? Still, Jackie gave the original a corking eight (out of ten, that is) back in issue 38 and generally seemed fairly pleased about it, so perhaps its reappearance is no bad thing after all. But then again, there are two sides to every coin (whatever that means) and Old Father Time might have had a bit of a go at it with his great big egg-timer. Let's have a nosey.

So what's it all about then? Basically, Skatewars is a subtle blend of extreme violence, ice-skating and (groan) football. You'd think the skates would sort of pop the ball (but they don't). The idea is to knock the ball into the other team's net while laying to waste all those around you. You're going to have to be a pretty nifty beat-'em-upper as well as a seasoned footie player, I fear, as the only way to dispatch your opponents from the playing area (apart from through the use of your sporting prowess) is by skating into them at the highest possible speed.

And there's more. Blimey, yes. As well as trying to stay upright without wobbling about too much you'll also need to negotiate a selection of obstacles. While there are none on the first level, and only a few harmless lumps of rock on the next few, higher levels contain some really quite appalling hazzards such as pits, spiky things and, erm, all kinds of horrible bits and pieces. (Shudder.) The trick here is to aim to shove the other player into these without actually getting impaled on them plummetting down them yourself. Not easy when you're also sliding about all over the place and trying to get the ball into the net. And trying to clean a rather unpleasant-looking stain off the TV screen.

But is it any good? Well, not really. Actually it is pretty good fun for a while, especially playing against another person (the computer-controlled players seem a bit easier to beat than the ones in Skateball, though - but that's just my over-active imagination I reckon). And the scrolling is quite nice and 'slippery'. And the skating is pretty 'skatey'. But in the long run it's just not quite 'there'. And whether it's 'there' or not is really what counts.

So what's the verdict? It's slick. It's quite good fun. It's pretty original (if you didn't see it first time round). And it's certainly inclined towards the weird (although not excessively by French standards). But, at the end of the day, all things considered. It's just not quite 'there'. Not quite.

REPLAY

Hush, hush - whisper who dares! Who are those figures there on the stairs? It's the Replay gang! (Oh dear.)

The Hit Squad
£3.99 cassette
061 832 6633
Reviewer: Stuart Campbell

When I was a young lad (we're talking quite some time ago now, but bear with me), some of my friends and I used to play the imaginatively-named game of Two-A-Side. This involved two teams of two players playing football on an ordinary full-sized pitch and it was brilliant fun, although you got completely and utterly knackered after about an hour. For such a simple game, the tactical depth which could be employed was quite considerable - do you keep one player in goal and send the other one out by himself to do lots of clever Brazilian-type solo runs, or do you both play outfield, making lots of clever passing moves but risking having an undefended goal if you lose possession? Or did you just hang back for most of the game and let the other team attack until they were completely exhausted and then run rings round them for the last ten minutes and score half-a-dozen goals? The permutations and strategies were endless, and I often wonder nostalgically why nobody seems to play the game anymore.

Now I know what you're thinking. 'Yes yes, Stuart', you're thinking, 'This is all unbelievably interesting and everything, but why don't you shut up about when you were a little boy and tell us about Skate Wars, hmm?" Well, there's a very good reason. Skate Wars is rubbish and I thought you'd be much more interested in fascinating tales of my younger days, that's all.

Actually, that's not strictly true. Skate Wars is, in fact, Two-A-Side on a Speccy. Oh yeah, there's a bit more to it, like the fact that one of your team's players does indeed stay in goal all the time, or the fact that you can tackle your opponent by doing a flying kick on him, or even the obstacles which litter the pitch on the higher levels (a bit like the rocks and potholes which used to be found on our one. actually), but basically it's the same thing. It's just jerky, boring, crap to control and almost totally pointless, that's all.

Label: Ubisoft
Price: £8.99
Reviewer: Chris Jenkins

This is more like it! The crunch of bones! The smash of helmet on helmet! The thunggg of the ball in the back of your opponent's teeth! This is a real man's game! SkateWars has, I think, been out before, or perhaps I'm just confusing it with a couple of similar titles such as SkateBall (a similar side-view format) and Speedball (a top-down version). In each case, the game simulates a cross between football, hockey and mayhem which takes place in the near future.

In the case of SkateWars, the game's played on ice by teams of three heavily-armoured bruisers with names like Ghengis, Zaxx and Rothgar, who have the choice of scoring goals, or merely achieving a result by battering their opponents into a heap (one of the players is a reserve who comes on if someone's creamed). The finely-detailed rink is viewed as if from the stands, and the display scrolls smoothly to show the centre of the action.

There are oneand two-player options, and you get to select your three-man team from a choice of ten thugs, each of whom has different characteristics for strength, shooting-skill, speed and reactions. Obviously you want the fastest out front, otherwise you'll never beat the computer to the kick-off. Control switches automatically to the player nearest the bail. Including of course your goalie.

The main trick is to knock your enemy off his feet without going over yourself: the collisions are well animated and you can pull off some spectacular tackles and saves.

It's difficult enough to beat the computer on level 1, but there are 50 levels to complete, each of which consists of a first-to-five match. By the end you'd have to be a real John Barnes to win (or even a good player).

To make the game complete, each level includes a number of different obstacles; mines, bobbing towers, spikey stakes, cracks in the ice, twelve different in total. A scanner at the bottom of the screen shows the position of the obstacles (and your opponents), and the screen scrolls left-right before each match to let you get the feel of the playing area. One of the most entertaining tricks is to try to barge your opponent into a lethal obstacle.

SkateWars is great, so remember kids, keep violence where it belongs, on the pitch!

Label: Hit Squad
Memory: 48K/128K
Price: £3.99 Tape
Reviewer: Paul Rand

Fancy a spot of ice-hockey; not the sort that today's nancy boys play, but real hard fighting hockey sometime in the future. Well, it's called Skate Wars and it's set in a space-age ice rink... Hold on to your pucks the action is about to begin.

The object of the game is to score more goals than your opponent. Simple enough?... Not when the opposition is openly trying to kick your head into get hold of the puck!

Each team consists of one automatically-controlled goalie, one striker (controlled by your good self) and two substitutes, one of which can make an appearance if your striker is killed (!!!). As you've probably surmised, Skate Wars isn't the safest sport ever devised.

After each game, the rink becomes even more cluttered with obstacles, and as you're not allowed to touch them (do and you'll die) there's nothing else to do but run around them. But the biggest obstacle is the opposing player; he's not going to let you take control of the game easily - you'll need to give him a swift kicking to get him to relinquish the ball!

SU went a bit silly over Skate Wars when it was first released as a full-price game, and for the life of my I can't figure out why! All I found upon loading the tape was a dodgy, jerkily-scrolling playfield, average-to-poor sprites and low-quality gameplay that had me reaching for the reset button after only a few goes. It's hellishly difficult trying to wrestle the ball from the other player, because more often than not he gets up off the floor quicker than you and is hassling your goalie long before your buns rise from the ice.

Two-player mode is probably a lot better than tussling with the computer, but I personally wouldn't shame myself by asking a chum round for a game.

GARTH:
I must say I remember Skate Wars with some affection, I used to thrash all my friends on it. However, although I probably would have put Skate Wars up in the 60's scorewise. Paul's right, it hasn't aged well.