Destrux
by David Alderson
1990

Oh no! Just when you thought it was safe to open YS again it's the return of those Teenage Mutant Hero Flesh-Eating Killer YS Readers' Games from far, far away in... (gulp)

SON OF CRAP GAME CORNER

Since we made the tragic mistake of running the original Crap Game Corner a couple of issues back, mail has been flooding in by the sackful.* So the good news is that (hurrah!) we've decided to do another one. But the bad news? Well, we all know who was responsible for that last paltry effort, don't we? Hmm. And hard as we tried we just couldn't get rid of him this time round either. Yep, you guessed it, it's that darn RICH PELLEY child again.

*Well, one economy size sack really.

Hello, readers, and welcome to this, my second feeble attempt at Crap Game Corner. In case you were fortunate enough not to have seen the previous one then listen carefully and I'll explain what it's all about. Basically, it's the bit in mag where you, the beloved reader, writes a game, sends it in and then we have a good old slag at it because, sure as eggs is eggs, it'll be, erm, crap (hence the 'Crap Game' bit). Brill or what?

However, I think you should be warned that your measly offerings this issue aren't as bad as they were last time - they're worse. So depressingly bad, in fact, that the only (printable) word that I can possibly think of to describe them all is (yep, you guessed it) 'crap'. Crap, crap. crap. Crap crap crap. Crapity crapity cr... (I think we get the idea. Ed) Ahem.

DESTRUX
By D Alderson

This one really is an ice cream short of a day trip to Wigan-On-Sea. For absolutely no apparent reason whatsoever you find yourself on this planet where several cities have rogue nuclear reactors in them (this is going to do wonders for the nuclear physics are for peace' movement, isn't it?). They're about to blow up and the only way to deactivate them is to clog them up with rocks. Fine. But the rocks have to come from factories dotted around which can only be exploded by crashing more rocks into them from more factories or high-explosive factories. Phew.

To perform this simple task you have 'control' of a tank (only nominal - I can't drive). Whoopee-doo. This tank can perform many strange acts like firing bullets to destroy houses and... and... well, it can move as well. Ho hum.

Basically, what I'm trying to tell you is that Destrux is in fact a strategy/puzzle-type game. And the worst kind actually. Not only that, but it's fiendishly hard to boot. I've got the game, hints, a complete solution and a video showing me exactly how to complete the bummer (although I can't actually watch it - I've got Beta), but I still haven't completed the first level. But then again, perhaps it's just me. Nor was my temper improved by the fact that every time I moved I seemed to fall into a hole I hadn't seen. Tch!

But in the good point department, there's loads. The graphics are quite clear (apart from those *?!@&% holes, of course) and, while they're not animated, they're also pretty colourful. The game itself is quite challenging, with puzzles-a-plenty to solve, and there are many frills such as the character-printing routines and the fact that you get seven credits (which you'll need, seeing as you have to be play like billio to get anywhere). So, erm, there you go. Unfortunately, reasonably good.

I ask you - was that wicked, cool, fab, ace, happenin', hip, trendy and generally quite good or what? Well, I had a laff anyway. But don't go away thinking that's the end of it all - oh ho no, not by a long way, matey. We will return in Crap Game Corner III - the trequel (ie the sequel to the sequel to the original, if you see what I mean). Oh, providing you people out there send send in some crap games, that is. So don't just sit there, whip out your pinkies and get tapping - then send your efforts here to me (that's Rich Pelley, of course) at the Crap Game Corner, Your Sinclair, 30 Monmouth Street, Bath BA1 2AP for my perusal. Okay? Good. And, well, erm, bye!

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REVIEW BY: Rich Pelley

Blurb: AND THE SCORES AT THE END OF THAT ROUND... Just to add that professional touch, I've cunningly devised a stunningly brilliant scoring system (with a little help from everyone else in the office, that is) to use exclusively for this occasion. So, er, here it is... Technical Ingenuity How well is everything 'done'? If it's full of nice graphics, kooky sound and natty routines then it'll get a high mark. If it's not then it, erm, won't. Achievement This gives some idea of how well whatever was set out to be done in the first place has actually been carried out and done, if you see what I mean. Fun How fun is the game to play?. (Obvious, really.) Crap Factor Okay, so it's crap. But by exactly how much? Three feet deep and rising? Or just enough spread to slap on your bread? Overall Add up the four marks, divide the answer by four and what you get will bear no relation whatsoever to this overall mark (ho ho). Y'see, this bit gives a sort of idea of how well the game would sell if it was released 'properly' to the general public (ie you). So don't be surprised if you get a pifflingly low mark even if I did think your game was a jolly good 'wheeze'.