CRL
£8.95
Reviewer: Duncan MacDonald

Okay, I promise: no jokes or clever remarks about pigs in this review because I know how banal such journalistic trickery can appear. I may be off my bacon, but I'm NOT going to get sausagey about this particular can of pork. (Whoops.)

You get to play Uncle Pigg, proprietor of OINK comic, which, at start of play, is just nine pages of empty panels. The idea is for you to play three 'sub-games' in which you pick up the panels to place in, and hopefilly fill up, the comic. Oh, and as with all publications you have a deadline, in this case three days. Righto, onto the sub-games, which have to be loaded (screeeeam), even on the 128 (hiss).

PETE'S PIMPLE

This is a bat and ball Arkanoid clone. except that it's played like Krakout (okay oh pedantic ones, so it's a Krakout clone then). Completion of each level gains you bonus panels, as does zapping certain symbols with you lasers. Very hard and quite addictive but not as slick as, say, Elite's Batty. (Yo ho! Ed)

RUBBISHMAN

Oh dear, I'm afraid Rubbishman is actually a bit... erm... rubbishy. You have to control Rubbishman's altitude as he flies over hazards and under bridges tio reach the bonus panels you need so badly. You view from above as the monochrome screen scrolls from right to left at about three pictometres a year (i.e. quite slowly). The blurb says you can speed up later in the game but the glacial stealth at the beginning had me so annoyed that I soon gave up. Vaaaaaaarrrgghhhhh!

TOM THUG

Another bird's eye view game, but this time a flick-screen (like Dandy f'rinstance). Move Tom's Thugmobile through the monochromatic maze collecting extra energy, keys and, yep, you guessed it, bonus panels. Rudimentary graphics and a very budgety feel, but quelle surprise, it's actually quite playable - for a while.

OINK is one of those games whose whole (luckily) is rather greater than the sum of its parts. It's not bad, it's not brilliant, it's sort of fun for a bit, it's eeeerrm... well, I think you know what I'm getting at. Anyway, I think I can tell a pig joke now.

Q: What's the difference between a pig and the Empire State Building?

A: Crikey, I wouldn't send you out to buy a tractor! (Eh? Ed)

Label: CRL
Author: Wise Owl
Price: £8.95
Memory: 48K/128K
Joystick: various
Reviewer: Tony Dillon

Problems, problems. What do I call this game? Do I put it in the Arcade action of the reviews, or do I put it in the Simulation section? For yes, believe it or not, Oink is an exact simulation of how comics and magazines are put together. Yes, it's true. You may think that we (ie The SU team) ) spend all day slaving over hot typewriters, brains pouring out of our ears trying to get away from the serious thinking that is left on their shoulders (!?!), but no. (Tony this is madness start the review again and see me after school G.T.)

In Oink you have to send assorted comic strip characters out to find the missing page panels before the copy date otherwise you'll, "Run out of Piggin' time". Each character enters their own mini arcade games and tries to get as many panels back as possible to fill the 9 pages in the magazine.

The first game is Pete's Pimple, or to put it another way, Breakout. You must bounce Pete's spot around the screen, knocking out the bricks and collecting bonus panels. Dill's verdict on this part: trash. The ball only moves in two directions and you can't destroy the killer fish that sly towards you all the time - it's frustratingly hard for no good reason.

The second game is Rubbishman. Fly Rubbishman over and under obstacles along a very slow scrolling backdrop very similar to Uridium, except nowhere near as good. Dill's verdict: Crud. You have indication of the height of the obstacles and no matter ho far you get, you still go back to the start when you die.

The next game's hero is one Tom Thug who has to drive his thugmobile around a large flip-screen area, shooting nasties and collecting panels. Dill's verdict: a very poor Anarchy imitation. The main character moves far too slowly and the game itself is completely unplayable.

Though it is absolute rubbish and the individual sections are laughably bad. You get an odd satisfaction when you complete a page and you are given the opportunity to read the comic.