'It's a game! It's a show! It's the Game Show Show!' But enough of these obscure quotes. Here's Jonathan with a bumper Christmas number of Public House at entirely the wrong time of year (the clot).

No sooner had the words 'lack of Brit software' tripped from my keyboard than I received a packed disk from Dominic Morris of Worcester. Phew, eh? Not only that, but there's also another jolly selection from the old European Demos box. Hurrah! (Good old 'hurrah' - always a good get-out if you can't think of a natty pay-off line.)

Magician
By Dominic Morris
Reviewer: Jonathan Nash

Not one to break a chain or go back on years of tradition, Dominic has stolen the music from Auf Wiedersehen Monty to use in his demo. What is the fascination with this track? it never seems to fit with the demos I've seen it naughtily put on - it's too stately - but people pinch it anyway. Hang on, I'll just ask Russ Abbott, the popular family entertainer, why this should happen. (Pause.) Apparently, it's because Monty is very easy to hack. (Thanks, Russ.)

A jolly nice intro screen (why a dragon? Why a duck? But I digress) leads into an incredibly corny dedication ('to my parents and friends for their never-ending patience') before a gigantic logo bounces down from the top of the screen and (oh no!) the Monty music kicks off in the background. A quick stab at the SPACE bar and a massive attribute scrolly jerks its way across the screen saying, well, nothing much really. But! if you leave it running, a vertical scrolly suddenly zips in and starts contradicting the main message. Cue loads of schizophrenia jokes which, it has to be said, aren't that funny. (They aren't that funny. Ed) Thanks.

Part Two will go down in demo lore as one of those routines that seemed a good idea at the time. A double-height scrolly wavers across the screen (get that timing right!) while a succession of lines drifts out from the centre of the screen in an effort to appear 3D. Sadly, it doesn't work one iota. A random sample of passers-by agreed that the effect (and I quote) 'looks just like a load of lines really.' Oh well. If you hadn't guessed by now, Magican is crap. Dodgy effects (except for the vertical attribute scrolly), ripped music and a dull message - three strikes and it's out (or something).