Rod-Land
by Jason McGann, Shaun G. McClure
Storm Software [2]
1991

There are fairies at the bottom of our garden, cute wittle fluffy ones with tiny noses and glittery wands. And they're coming to get me. (Quick, fetch the men in white coats before nick gets any more gooey - Ed). The dainty folk have even got their own computer game, where Nick Roberts discovered them.

Storm
£11.99

It was a quiet day in the fairy village. All the fairy folk were going about their daily chores, minding their own business, when something very bizarre happened to them all. To their horror, they began to change, not out of their pyjamas for breakfast (as all food fairy folk do), but into strange fluffy fiends. They no longer have control over their actions and have kidnapped the beloved mom of Tam and Rit, the heroes of the hour.

This parent in peril now lies captured at the top of the Maboots Tower (not an AA recommended hotel, by any stretch of the imagination) and Tam and Rit are her only hope. So armed with the magic rods of Sheesanamo and their special shoes, the daring duo set off to save the day.

SQUASHING SQUIRRELS!

Bashing cutesy characters on the head with a big rod is what's called for in Rod Land. You wouldn't think these fairy folk had it in them but they're incredibly violent when they get their backs up!

I reckon the Rod Land programmer was on drugs or something when he invented this. On the journey through the Maboots tower you meet animals like sharks, squirrels and rabbits, but also a variety of very strange baddies: killer spuds and corncobs, and rude-looking blobs called Polymorfs try to getcha with their terrible tongues.

Wiping out these weird creatures with just a rod to protect yourself ain't no picnic but it can be done. Bop them on the head, pick them up and repeatedly bash them on the floor. Luv'ly.

Collecting flowers gives extra points and picking up the last one turns all the nastles into 'Kabura', sort of like red turnips! Killing these makes them drop a letter of the word EXTRA. Collecting them all gains Tam or Rit an extra life!

WICKED WEAPONS

Bashing a baddy makes them drop special weapons to help the quest. These range from the usual boring missiles and bombs to things like ice, flame and 'revel' that bounces four balls around the screen killing everything they touch.

At the end of each level a big boss baddy like the terrifying elephant on a trapeze or killer whale and its babies come out of hiding for a battle. These fairies may be dainty and sweet, but they're hellish strong - I mean, could you swing a shark from side to side until its head caves in?

Rod Land is excellently presented with lots of colourful graphics and groovy tunes before you start playing. In-game graphics are well drawn and animated but are in black and white monochrome! They could have squeezed some sort of colour into the game, even if it was only for the main characters. These minor moans haven't stopped me playing the game, though - I'm totally hooked!

When I started playing I was stuck on the first few levels; I just couldn't get the hang of bashing the creatures around the screen. But I soon mastered the controls and after defeating the first big boss there was no stopping me! Rod Land is highly recommended to everyone. It may be sickeningly cute but it's also fantastically playable - I just can't get enough!

NICK [86%]

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Hurrah! At last, a game where the heroines aren't girly wimps! Tam 'n' Rit are beautiful, smart and rock 'ard! Okay, so they're fairies, but nobody's perfect. Basically, this is one hell of a game. It looks great, plays well, sounds good and drives you insane. I even gave up my lunchtime gallon of lager to play this so it must be good. The way the femme fatale fairies pick up anything from sharks to corncobs and whales to elephants and throw them around until they snuff it made me laugh my head off. Although monochrome, the sprites are nicely drawn and good animation sets them off a treat, This game's a treat for all platform freaks and beat-'em-up fans. Viva la rock-'ard girlies!
LUCY [89%]

REVIEW BY: Lucy Hickman, Nick Roberts

Blurb: WILD WEAPONS! MISSILE K A standard weapon. When launched a missile travels horizontally until it hits a baddy or the side of the screen. SUPER K The second standard weapon. Bounces until it hits the edge or kills a baddy. BOMB K That's more like it! This sets off a large explosion killing any nearby baddy. HYPER K When activated, Hyper creates two shock waves that kill all baddies on either side. Make sure all baddies are within range for maximum bonus points. REVEL K Splits into four individual bouncy balls that butchers baddies on contact. Can only be found on selected levels. ICE K Produces a spray of deadly ice crystals. FLAME K Our favourite. When picked up this gives you a flame thrower for a limited time.

Storm
£11.99 cass
Reviewer: Andy Hutchinson

Personally, I had this vision of a fantastic world in which everything was made up of pipes, tubes and rods. Sort of like the Lloyds building in London, but a whole lot more attractive. How cruel then, to discover that the rods in the title of this game refer to magic wands which the two main characters wield as weapons. Tush and double tush, another squiffy dream exploded.

Rodland is as about two unfortunates called Tam and Rit. These cheery forest folk are both fairies and as such have long hair, pointy ears and incredibly silly names. I mean, why can't they ever give these elves and sprites decent names like Andy? (Not biased towards that name at all are you, Hutch? Linda). Tam and Rit have got these weapons which sound exactly like they've been made up especially for this game, they're called Rods of Sheesanamo. Hmmm, sounds like a joke, that. If you Sheesanamo could you shout? or possibly What does your mum do? Sheesanamo specialist. Ho ho hum.

Where was I? Oh yes, poor old Tam and Rit are feeling a tad lonely because their dear mum has been kidnapped and taken to Maboots tower. Locked within this grim piece of stonework are wodges of creepy crawlies and other such splodgy entities. Thus the general idea of the game is to stroll around the tower, bonging nasties with your rod in the hope of liberating mum.

DYNO-ROD? HOT ROD? SPARE THE ROD?

Platforms are the name of the game. Actually that's a lie, Rodlands the name of the game. but platforms are an important part of the game. Ladders, platforms, power-ups, bonuses and spiffy weapons are the order of the day. Each of the 44 levels is made up of a series of rocky ledges. Littered around these are some flowers which give you a hefty bonus if collected. All of which seems a bit of a shame, when you consider how difficult it must have been to grow the things in a tower in the first place.

To get between ledges you can use either the lovely ladders, balloons, your own portable ladder or simply drop from one onto another. To make your own ladder, you simply hold down fire and move the joystick either up or down. Balloons only appear on certain levels and you can make use of them by standing on them. Of course nothing's ever easy in a Speccy game, so what's in store for the Rod-ing Spec-chum then?

WELL ACTUALLY...

There are vast numbers of nastier. Sharks, squirrels and rabbits are just three of the wandering computer folk who need bashing.

Power-ups such as bouncing bombs, missiles, static bombs, smart bombs and laser blasts all prove equally fatal to the Rodland nasties. The best of these is the laser blast which zips across the ledge which you're standing on at the time and decimates any local sharks or squirrels. The trick to using such a devious and downright nasty weapon is to wait 'til all the nasties are near you and then lit it rip.

Later on such weapons become more and more important, because the woodland folk get harder to kill and loads speedier. Fortunately, there's a respite, as every two or thee levels there's a bonus screen. This involves picking off large nasties, but is all fairly elementary and doesn't involve much utterly death-defying leaping around.

There's little doubt about it, Rodland is an absolutely screaming blast of a game. It's cute, playable and very large. But beyond all that, it has that ever elusive one-more-go feel to it. It's especially fun when you try the two player option, because then you're competing with your buddy to make it to the bonuses first. The chaps at Storm have made it an easy game to leap around in, everything moves fast and there's no colour clashing. The sounds rather groovy too, not quite Jesus Jones, but cool none-the-less. Do yourself a favour, nip down the shops, buy this game and spend a long, long time trying to bash those naughty sharks. Ecological it ain't, but groovesome it certainly is!

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REVIEW BY: Andy Hutchinson

Blurb: FIVE THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT RODS Without rods, the whole infrastructure of the civilised world would collapse over tea-time.But it'd be the plumbers who'd be most annoyed. Rod Lawton who's the editor on our sister mag, Amstrad Action, once bumped into J R Hartley outside the theatre in Bath. He did, however, resist the temptation to ask him if he'd read any good books on fly fishing lately. In olden days, a rod was a unit of measurement which (in common with pieces of string) was a big or little as you needed it to be and was thus very popular with market traders. In America, they calls revolvers rods. This leads endless confusion when a plumber accidentally walks into a gun shop instead of the local hardware emporium. The expression spare the rod and ruin the child actually refers to the medieval art of rod-making which was the basis of many early settlements. Fathers who didn't teach their sprogs how to make rods, would therefore condemn them to a life of selling potatoes or clods of earth.

Label: Storm
Memory: 48K/128K
Price: £11.99
Reviewer: Big Al Dykes

I'll state here and now that I'm not a fan of cute games or gameplay. Forget the rubber truncheons and air bubbles just give me a phase plasma rifle in the forty watt range and I'll take care of anything you can throw at me.

Which might give you some idea of the amount of fire power available in Rodland but that said, I got darn excited after a few minutes of play as Rodland is a step above the ordinary as far as cuties go. So I put down my automatic and picked up a rod and believe me I found nothing fishy about this game.

The basic plot involves two disgustingly cute fairies, Tam and Rit whose mum has been kidnapped and placed in the Tower of "Maboots". Their task is to rescue her and to succeed they must go about it with more energy and enthusiasm than a squirrel trying to climb a greasy pole to get a pint of Carling Black Label!

They're equipped with magic rods which stick like very sticky poles to their enemies' anatomies enabling our heroes to fling them from side to side and destroy them. Some enemies release icons which include a variety of weapons from small flying bombs, to big stationary bombs, medium bouncing bombs and various other items of destruction. These are activated by walking into them and although they don't harm Tam or Rit they cause havoc to their enemies. I especially love the big bang stationary bombs.

Using their rods they are also able to extend ladders between platforms, a very useful feature apart from the fact that their enemies can follow them across them too.

But there are other ways of getting between platforms including jumping on balloons and going through magic doors - (hurrah!).

There are thirty five platform levels, eighteen different enemies including; mutant spitting sharks, clawing lobsters, boomerang throwing starfish and four major end of level guardians. A gigantic crocodiles, a cute whale, a dozy elephant and a dreadfully dangerous goat, all take you on in a beautiful, well-animated end of levels fight.

The graphics are well planned and although I'm disappointed that there's no colour on the playing screens the sprites are very well drawn and animated. Furthermore, they respond to joystick control quickly and smoothly. This means that gameplay is superb and extremely addictive.

If you want a game that's funny, cute and has lots of lastability then you won't go far wrong with Rodland.

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STEVE:
Gosh this game has the best presentation I've seen on the Spectrum for a very long time. Playability is cute, fast and above all fun, fun, fun ('till your daddy takes the T-Bird away).

REVIEW BY: Alan Dykes

Blurb: ROD FAX Rodland is based on a very successful coin-op of the same name. Rit and Tam's mother has been kidnapped. The largest ransom ever paid for a kidnapped person is an estimated $170 million paid by the Inca people of South Central America hundreds of years ago to the Spanish invaders. The most paid in modern times is $60 million, paid in Argentina for two young brothers. The youngest person ever kidnapped was aged 29 minutes in Texas, USA. In the game they must collect flowers to build up score and gain lives yet the largest flower ever recorded was a cactus plant discovered in Arizona USA which was 78ft high. The smallest species of flower is the chaffweed. A single chafweed seed weighs 0.00003 grams. Rodland's fairies wouldn't get very far with these flowers!