Alternative
£3.99 cassette
0977 797777
Reviewer: Leigh Loveday
Hmmm. I'm in rather an annoying mood at the moment so I'm going to have to open this review with the not-at-all predictable device of singing the theme tune to the TV show. Ready? Ah-one, ah-two and ah-three... er... oh, I don't seem to know any of the words.
Well then, Superted the game (sigh). What's it like? Eeerrmm... it's okay, I s'pose The plotline is pretty painful though - Spotty's been kidnapped and you've got to rescue him. Ack. It's got plenty of irritating little faults too, which I'll look at later, it being the obvious thing to do and all. Essentially Superted is a horizontal shoot-'em-up with, er, no shooting - well, not on your part anyway. You are Superted, after all. However, you do get to punch the baddies, which made me go all faint and sit in the corner sucking a blanket for several minutes.
DEREK GRIFFITHS?
Level One sees you character-square jerking your merry way along through a landscape of bats, helicopters, bombs, missiles etc etc to reach Spotty's rocket at the end, which is guarded by the fearsomely non-difficult Skeleton. Then you wibble off into space for more of the same (sigh). Level Two's a bit easier on the eyes though, being somewhat black as space frequently is, whereas Level One was bursting forth with retina-bludgeoning squirts of colour, cheerily disregarding colour clash in a way that brought back memories of the Codies' Super Dragon Slayer.
That's basically what the game is really - bit of SDS, bit of Superkid, bit of Silkworm even. Just thought I'd drop in that blatant generalisation mid-description to make up for not being able to annoy you all with the theme tune (cackle). It plays well enough, good simple fun, but - but! - here come those niggling faults in force, trooping grimly over the twilit horizon like soldier ants who've just discovered the comer shop's tragic lack of frozen chips. Probably.
Firstly, the scrolling. It's crap. Jerkier even than the infamous Vibrating Koalas of Juddering Jim Frippleston's Big Top of Wildly Oscillating Marsupials (Est 1634), it not only makes seeing where the hell you are even harder but also affects the enemies' flight patterns, so that you fly into them whatever you do. Well, I did. (Sniff.) Then there's the equally crap inertia on your sprite, which leads to much the same thing. Then there's the cover boast of Easy and Hard difficulty levels, which I suspect to be a lie of sorts, as Blackadder once said, rather festively as I remember. There wasn't a single difference between the two that I could see. Tsk. And, of course, we have Spotty himself, who gives you such invaluable gems of advice in the onscreen speech balloon as 'Watch out, Superted' just after Supes has decided to play beergut tennis with a passing nuclear warhead. Cheers, Spotty, mate. Much obliged, now shut yer trap.
Righty-o, it's that much respected and ancient Summing-up Bit again. Bow down, bow down and chant 'flan' in quavering tones, all ye believers. (Slap.) Oh. Er, er, er. Sorry. Well, it's not a bad game, even mildly addictive, but too hard for the kiddies it's presumably aimed at. There's one unfair bit as well - when you get hit, you pause for a few seconds to recover, giving the next baddy ample time to strike you amidships as well.
But Superted is just about worth the dosh if you've got no street-cred anyway and don't mind being seen with such a title. Arf.
Overall | 62% |
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